I still have steam coming out of my ears. I have no decent level of tolerance for recorded messages when I answer the phone at work. But those are easier to deal with than people who speak broken English asking to speak to the owner of the business. My father is the owner. He has NO PATIENCE. I know exactly how I am to deal with people like this, rather than bothering him for such bullshit. Here is how this last conversation went:
Me: “Nelson Printing”.
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English: “Hello. *Long pause* I to speak to Nelson. Owner of business.”
Me: “Who’s calling?”
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English: “I am *Insert name you couldn’t possibly make out or even have ever heard of*”
***FIRST OF ALL, LET ME JUST GET OUT THAT IN NO FREAKIN’ WAY WOULD I JUST LET THAT BE IT WHEN I ASK WHO YOU ARE. Y OU ARE TO TELL ME WHO YOU ARE WITH. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS ALONE, I NEED TO KNOW WHY I BOTHER SOMEONE EXTREMELY BUSY TO BUG THEM WITH YOUR BULLSHIT.***
Me: Who are you WITH?
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English: “Something, something and Google.com” —I had to ask “Who?” several times until I sort of understood what he was saying.
*AT THIS POINT, I HANG UP. I’m instructed to always do so. Keep in mind, I’m also pregnant. I don’t bother my dad with anything like this and 9.8 times out of 10, they never call back because they think they either got cut off, or I couldn’t hear them.*
HE CALLS BACK:
Me: “Nelson Printing”
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English: (This is sort of what it sounded like he said) “I called a moment ago and did you hang up on my face?” —in a rude tone, mind you.
First off, this is funny as shit. Second, do you think I’d buy an ad from you NOW after you were rude? Come on, dumbass. Seriously.
Me: “Who’s calling, please?”
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English: “Blah blah blah from google.com…can I speak to Nelson…owner of business?”
Me: “You want to speak to who?” (You think the owner of the business is named Nelson, period. First name at all…This clues me into the fact that you are just selling something that I know we are not interested in…right off the bat…this is very hilarious to me.)
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English:”Nelson…owner of business…”
Me: “What is this regarding?”
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English:”Let me speak to owner of business!”
Me: *INSANITY ENSUES INSIDE MY BODY. I BECOME IRATE. MY EYES START TO BLUR AND MY BP IS RISING TO THE BOILING POINT* “I am OWNER OF BUSINESS AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS REGARDING.”
Foreigner in EXTREME broken English: “We would want to be knowing if you could be interested in ad on the google.com page—”
Me: “I am sorry, we are not interested in this at this time. Thank you. *click*”
(#*$#)(&@)(*!)$#)(@)(&@#()@
I had to get it out before I grabbed a stack of A3 envelopes and filleted my neck open.
Note: I do NOT hate foreigners. I hate telemarketers. The ones that speak horrible English usually do not have any sort of phone manners whatsoever. These people are usually from India. I wanted to get this straight. I’m not a racist. I’m extremely irritable and pissy and pregnant. End of story.
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